Slug Life

It has been almost an entire year since my last post.  I am 1 year and 4 months into what is on average a 3 year wait.  I would love to say that the time has flown by, but sadly it has inched by like a slug in the garden leaving a slime trail behind it.  That’s a lovely word picture, right?

The months have been filled with the shenanigans of three 9 year olds, endless arguments  with said kiddos about the need for frequent and thorough showers (me:  Yes, I know that you showered yesterday, but you stink TODAY!),  two surgeries, 2 bazillion medical appointments, 3 bazillion visits/conversations with pharmacy staff about filling and refilling my long list of prescriptions,  4 bazillion interactions with the vampires (a.k.a. phlebotomists),  500 pity raves (so much more fashionable than your run-of-the-mill pity party),  followed by 500 stern self lectures on the importance of gratitude, and finally nodding politely to the armchair physicians’ seemingly endless supply of well-meaning but useless advice.

Sample Advice:

Random Person:  Have you tried drinking 5 gallons a day of alkaline water stored in a copper pot?  I hear it can fix everything from ingrown chin hairs to colicky babies!

Me:  Well gee whiz Mister, thanks for the unsolicited advice!  I’m sure if it can do all of that, your magic copper water will regrow my pancreas lickety-split.


Now, that I have spewed my venom, I feel marginally better.  I will continue to attend all of my medical appointments, take all of my medicines as prescribed, follow doctors’ orders, go no further than 30 minutes from the hospital, count my blessings, and finally, bide my time.